The Guideon

The Guideon

When I was six years old, my mom’s boyfriend brought home two bibles from the hotel where he worked. I’m not even sure why he did this. My mom told me I could have one. I was so excited. My own bible. 

But by six years old, the world was a scary, evil place. My mom had a boyfriend that wasn’t nice to me and she would often leave me with him while she went to night classes or work. He would often punish me by making me stand in the corner for hours, sit in my room all day or eat bars of soap to make me sick. Often times, I would hear my mom screaming and crying and begging him to stop what he was doing in their bedroom. It wasn’t much different from the scariness I was witnessing as a toddler, my mom lying on the kitchen floor, five months pregnant with my brother bleeding with her face smashed in by my dad’s fist. That was mostly the result of affairs. They were both having affairs and struggling with alcohol and drug abuse. Then they divorced and so that guy that was called dad had disappeared in the eyes of a six year old and scarier boyfriend stepped in.

But I was special enough to have my very own bible and I treasured it. On days that they would lock me in my room, I would sit on my bed and read these stories about God’s love for us. There was power in that bible and God was coming for me. I didn’t understand it, but I believed in these words I was reading and I could feel him with me. Although, everything outside my bedroom was sick and evil.

“[Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres”- 1 Corinthians 13:7

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